High Maintenance User

Our all-time favorite High Maintenance User (HMU) is a successful sales guy -- and a gadget freak. For a while there, every toy he ever saw that he could possibly put on his laptop, he had to have. Technology had him hook, line, sinker and sweat sox besides. He would take his laptop on vacations and dream of making the four million dollar sale while cruising off Acapulco. Wireless networking? He was there. Wearable PDA? On his jammies.

One day we got a desperate call from HMU. It was two hours before he had to make a huge sales presentation to a really big customer. And of course he had to have his latest toy working. Problem was, he was also a do-it-yourselfer who had already installed the software for this particular gadget three times. Now the whole thing was broken. Nothing would work, and would we puh-leeze save him? Now?

We bailed his gazoobies out of trouble. However, our fee to him included listening to a stern lecture from us that went along the lines of okay, next time you want us to bail you out in a hurry, just remember: Help us help you. Every time you install a toy, remove two.

HMU whimpered and promised. And then went right back to his old ways. Next time he called us in a crisis the deal was even rougher: There would be no, repeat no, getting on the telephone with the next hot customer while we sweat bullets to get his laptop into shape. He would have to learn what it takes to undo the damage.

HMU has reformed somewhat. He now knows better than to call us at the last minute. And I think he has it figured out that he really should not pile toy after toy after toy onto the laptop he needs for serious sales presentations. We'll see …